I'm So Sorry... I Love You
Hey,
It may not seem it, I may not act like it, but I love you to bits.
No matter how many times you scream in my face, throw me around, beat me, throw things at me I still love you.
When you compare me to your poor deserving son, tell me I'm not worth anything, destroy all sense of selfworth, and tell me to kill myself, it hurts me, and destroys all that I am, and now Im nothing. But I still love you.
I can forgive you for that, I know you have had a very hard life, and you've spent so long being strong, you don't deserve this.
I can say I'm truley sorry for being such a terrible daughter, I'm sorry for being such an embarrasment to you, I'm sorry I dont share your views on life and that I grew up to be so pathetic and weak, and that didnt grow up to be you. Im sorry I'm not pretty, and have no talent, and no achievments for you to boast about. Sorry for mutilating my arms, tummy, legs and *there*. That must be so shameful for you to know when you find out. Sorry for being me.
I'm sorry for wishing that you'd just hug me, and tell me everything is gonna be alright, giving me the strength to face the world.
You deserved a much better daughter, someone who is beautiful and funny, and mature, popular and cool, who has loads of friends and people who love her, someone like you.
I've took everything I've had coming to me, but I cant let you leave me. You physically broke my heart that day you declared you were going to end your life. That day you said because of me, I'm gonna find you hanging from the loft.
And now, anytime I hear a noise, I'm out of my mind with panic and worry. Because I cant live without you.
How can I make things better? Other than going back and not be born.
Would things be better if I stopped living now? If I was no longer here to make you feel ashamed or regretful for having a daughter?
Yes, it would be a blow, having a suicide in the family, but sinse it's me, the shame of it wouldnt last long, would it? Or maybe you could twist the story, it was just an accident.
I'm so sorry you don't love me.
xx
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