Love Advice, Broken Hearts, You Don't Have to Suffer From a Broken Heart!

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You Don't Have to Suffer From a Broken Heart!

There's no way around it. If you care about someone and you break up, it's going to hurt. The pain you are feeling is a normal part of the healing process and it will pass - if you let it - even if it feels like it's going to stay with you forever. Just like when you're trying to get over an illness, there are things you can do to help yourself get better sooner. Here are some of the things that have worked for me in the past.

Avoid locking yourself away completely
After a bad break up, some people like to hide away and not see anyone and others are completely the opposite and like to surround themselves with friends and do anything they can to avoid being alone. You probably know which method works better for you and there's nothing wrong with either of them, unless you take it to the extreme. If you are generally a social person but distance yourself from your friends and family when down, you may end up feeling a bit alienated and spend too much time wallowing in your unhappiness. Making time to get out of the house and see people every once in a while, even if all you can manage is a coffee somewhere quiet with one or two good friends. Look for people who have a calming influence on you or, alternatively, if you are feeling listless and gloomy, ones who can jerk you out of a bad mood.

Some people are so afraid of their own thoughts and feelings after a break up, that they become complete social butterflies, never giving themselves the time and space to deal with their own emotions. If this is you, slow down and make some alone time for yourself so you can get your head and heart back in order.

Give yourself time to heal
Usually, your friends and family will recover from your bad break up much faster than you and will start encouraging (read: pressuring) you to date again. Sure, they mean well, but only you can tell when the time is right for you to start dating new people. All those totally random calculations about how long it takes to get over a relationship (I think they say it's a month per year?) are just that: random calculations. Don't worry about not being "on schedule" for recovery. There isn't a schedule. In general, yes, it does take longer to get over long-term relationship than it does to get over flings, but a short, intense relationship could easily take months to get over. Time is not really an issue here. Emotional involvement is. If you were really into someone, you're going to hurt for longer. Period. Take your time, do what you can to deal with your feelings and don't feel obliged to get into any new relationships until you are good and ready.

Shift your focus
Some people are lucky enough to be able to easily shift their focus to other areas of their lives after a break up and others are not so lucky. With a bit of determination, you can eventually teach yourself to see the bigger picture.

Think of things you like about your life: your job, a hobby, etc. and try to concentrate on those for a while. If you can't think of anything you like about your life right now, then you can use this opportunity to start fixing those areas. Start a new hobby, take a class, work on ways of improving your living and working situation - anything that can get you thinking about things other than bad relationships.

Treat yourself (if you can, you should!)
Speaking of massage, there's never a more important time to treat yourself to something special than after a bad break up. Depending on your budget you could take a holiday, go shopping, get a haircut or a makeover, take bubble baths, etc. Whatever it is you like doing, now is the time to do it.

Be kind to your emotions (and they'll be kind to you)
Sad love songs are all very well and good, but beyond a certain point, they can lock you away in a bad mood. Pay tribute to your feelings by allowing yourself to grieve, but try not to lock yourself into a bad mood. Listen to more uplifting tunes, watch some sitcoms to make yourself laugh or go out and see your facourite band. Any of those things can help get you in a better mood.


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